One Night in New Orleans  A comedy of errors
by Stevethesuperotaku
Summary: In New Orleans, Anime characters are gathering for a convention. But what happens after a big party will change everything and every one involved. This is the Author's Preferred Version of a old story based on an idea by Lancetheflamesniper in 2010.
1. Prologue

One Night in New Orleans

Prologue

_Author's note: In 2010 I attempted to create a story based on a friend and fellow writer's own failed idea. I should note that I am my own worst critic and while I thought the initial draft of this story was good I soon realized after finally straightening out the mess of a plot that was 30 Days (For those of you confused with that one keep reading the last few chapters straighten things out) that this story in its original form was to put it bluntly, shit. This new version is my preferred version, and if you are wondering where the original is, it is tucked safely on my flash drive hopefully never to be seen again."_

_For Lance. Mea Culpa_

Kouga sat at the table, in the hotel's restaurant sipping at his glass of ice tea.

"I don't understand, could you explain the reasoning behind it again?" He said.

"The basic idea is this," Inuyasha said, "The Society wants to expand its reach in the U.S. The market here in the states is not as big as the one in let's say Japan or even to a lesser extent a place like Portugal. The council's idea is that if we include those characters that mimic our style then we can reach more people. Of course that is bullshit, but those stalwarts in the exec board wouldn't know." A waitress came by and offered Kouga a refill on his tea; he nodded and let her go about her business. It was the annual meeting for The ACS, The Anime Character Society, and New Orleans was chosen because apparently the chair, one Kimihiro Watanuki said that it was destined to be there. He subscribed to his wife's theory that everything that is supposed to happen is fated to happen. She called it "hitsuzen" Kouga called it bullshit.

"I don't think including people from such shows as "Teen Titans" and "Avatar" will boost anything but my stupid shit quota, but of course when you got a philosophical anemic chain smoker for a wife anything is possible." Kouga said plucking a roll from the basket and tearing it apart.

"Exactly my point," Inuyasha said, "I told Watanuki, that it was nothing but crap and he still managed to get votes. He is like the Obama of this group, promising hope and change but doing jack shit."

"I take it you voted for McCain?" Kouga said his mouth filled with roll.

"No, not in the slightest, Palin was way too psycho for me so I skipped the polls. Granted the only reason that I compare Watanuki to him is because they have something in common." Kouga was intrigued.

"Which is?" He said.

"They both inherited the former administration's mess," the Waitress sat their plates down and asked them if they wanted condiments, they refused, "You going to the party tonight? They got a major name this year, DJ Soru." Kouga bit into his steak.

"Hardcore techno sounds like a Chipmunk's album on cid, I'll pass. Ayame wants to go to a casino." Inuyasha shrugged.

_Room 326_

Ferb adjusted the scope on his rifle, and peered through it. Phineas was cleaning out his gun, next to him.

"Hey Ferb," Phineas said as he put the clip into she semi-automatic pistol with a click, "Did they say who we are supposed to hit?" Ferb sighed.

"Here, this is a photo." He said and pulled the trigger, making a series of dry "thwacks" with the rifle.

"She's pretty, who did she screw over?" he asked looking at the blond haired girl.

"Name's Maka Albarn, friend of the boss wants her dead, Rachel something or another." Ferb said.

"Is this Rachel, the same one who is with the foreign bastard performing at the convention?" he said.

"That 'foreign bastard' is also a dear friend of the boss, and yes. Apparently the target has been doing the mattress mambo with him while she is away." The green haired boy said.

"No shit, I thought he was banging that chick from the Toyota commercials?" he said. His brother shook his head.

"Nope, she's here too though, she and some blue haired boy were in the restaurant. She was eating braised leeks, and he ice cream. The boss has a hard on for the leek whore." Ferb said.

"Torture or kill?" Phineas said.

"Kill, simple and clean, no witnesses and a full forensic clean up; nothing that can trace back to either Kent or Steubenville. The boss is adamant about that, if he or his associates are implicated, we're fucked without KY." He said.

"I like those prospects," Phineas said and looked around, "Hey, where's Perry?" Ferb wasn't paying attention; he was busy rummaging through his bag for the bullets.

_7:00 PM, 2 hours before the party_

"I thought you said you wanted to go to a casino?" Kouga said as he rummaged through the closet.

"I did, but you promised me once you would take me to a rave." Ayame said.

"Ayame," Kouga said, "We were both high and watching 2001: A Space Odyssey, how the fuck could we be serious at a time like that." Ayame adjusted her bra.

"Kouga, seriously," She said, "I never have a chance to go out and party anymore. Every time I want to do something 21st Century you always want to rely on the past. You're a fucking buzzkill." Kouga pulled out a t-shirt.

"Ayame, trust me, if I didn't temper myself I would be a drunk hooligan like some of those younger characters. I have standards damn it." He said.

"Could you at least try to have fun? For me?" She said looking into his blue eyes.

"Okay, as long as there is no GHB or shit like that." He said, and kissed her.

_The Next Morning_

The sunlight streamed heavy into the hotel room, Kouga adjusted the blanket to shield himself from the light. He had a hangover. Last night was a blur, he could remember DJ Soru blasting out his music and getting close with a few characters on the dance floor but that was it. The phone on the night stand rang, irritating the wolf demon more. He picked up the phone.

"Hello?" He said.

"Good Morning Mr. Kouga, Eileen from the front desk calling you for your 8 o'clock wake up call." A cheery voice said. Kouga thanked her in a tone that that both was kind and also said "fuck off I am trying to sleep" at the same time.

"Who was it baby?" A familiar voice said, Kouga turned around and looked at the bed. There lying on the bed was the demon hunter and his fellow cast mate Sango, next to her was another woman, whom he recognized as Sailor Jupiter. He threw the covers off the bed.

"What the fuck!" he shouted, it was the same thing others were saying at that same moment.


	2. Alcohol is Bad

One Night in New Orleans

Chapter 1: Alcohol is bad

"What the fuck?" Kouga said as he stumbled backwards from the bed nearly bumping into the tripod that was set up near the bed.

"What time is it?" Jupiter said, prefacing her comment with a loud yawn.

"The time doesn't fucking matter," he said "What are you two doing in my bed?"

"Not sure really," Sango said, "We were going to ask you the same thing." Kouga looked at the video camera on the tripod and felt a sinking feeling. He pressed the play button and was greeted by the sounds of wild sex. Snarling and moaning mixed with dirty talk and exclamations echoed like a choir of deviant children.

"Oh my god, oh my fucking god, this didn't happen, this did not fucking happen!" Kouga shouted.

"Apparently it did if there is footage, besides if my memory serves me right you are quite an animal, hung like one too." Jupiter said.

"Get dressed, both of you. Get dressed and get the hell out before Ayame comes back." Kouga said. Both women looked at him disappointed, they had hoped for another go round, but Kouga was being his own cock block. Jupiter pulled her panties up, peering casually out of the corner of her eye to glimpse at the other woman.

"You know, I heard the DJ at the party last night likes Hentai. Maybe we can give the tape to him!" Sango said clasping the front of her bra.

"No, and hurry the fuck up, if Ayame happens to walk in and sees this I am going to lose my balls." He said. Jupiter slid on her top.

"I think we could make some serious money on this." She said.

"Out, now!" Kouga said. The girls looked back at him as they walked towards the door.

"Bye, Kou-kun." They said in unison, the door clicking behind them. Kouga sat on the edge of the bed and rubbed his temples wondering what in the hell happened. He went to the phone and dialed Inuyasha's number only to be met with a busy signal, not knowing about the predicament his friend was in.

_Inuyasha's room_

Inuyasha didn't know how he woke up with the young fox demon, but right now he wish he didn't. Shippo had not stopped making little shrieks of terror since they had both woke up without any clothes on in the same bed.

"Kitsune, diddler!" Shippo shouted.

"No, no," Inuyasha said avoiding the fox, who was now throwing the complimentary small bottles of shampoo at him, "We did not do anything, I swear on Kikyo's ashes!"

"Then why does my butt hurt? If we didn't do anything, why does it hurt? It wouldn't, unless you are a Kitsune diddler!" Shippo said tossing a bar of soap.

"God damn it Shippo, we were drunk! I can't remember shit but I can remember we didn't fuck!" He said.

"I am going to tell Kagome!" He shouted and raced off towards the door. Inuyasha chased after him but slipped on the area rug, missing the fox by inches.

"Oh boy, I am in deep shit now." He said. He couldn't remember how Shippo ended up in his bed. He had a vague recollection of saving him from a man in a bear costume who had given him an alcoholic beverage. But other than that, he knew he did not have sex with the fox. That would be something a pedophile would do, and he for sure was not one of those. Kagome was going to throw a shit fit, but if he could find proof maybe he could cover his own ass. He went through his closet and pulled out a black T-shirt with the Reverend Jim Jones on it and a pair of blue jeans. Slipping into his outfit, he planned out how he would go about investigating the matter. He didn't know that today, getting evidence would be harder than killing Naraku.

_DJ Soru's room_

His real name was Marco, but most people called him Soru, even his wife. Right now Marco was sitting in the living room of his hotel suite quietly talking to his manager. His opening act, DJ Pedo Bear had been busted by the New Orleans PD after his set for child molestation. It wasn't abnormal for Pedo Bear to be busted for being a Cho-Mo, in fact it was his act, his way of gaining publicity.

"Look, Cassie, I appreciate you booking me for this gig but I cannot work with Pedo Bear anymore." Marco said.

"He's on the rise Marco," Cassie said, "A star of your clout can take him into the stratosphere, just give him a chance."

"He's a fucking kid diddler," Marco said in an angry hiss, "He fucking got busted last night as my set ended."

"He's not a real kid diddler Marco," Cassie said," It's just his act. You know like David Bowie as a she male space alien or a Nazi. It's an act."

"Rachel happened to pull up his arrest record," Marco said, "15 arrests in 2 years, maybe more unreported."

"All some computer hacker's joke," she said, "Anonymous did the same thing with the PS3 Network."

"His tour was sponsored by NAMBLA!" Marco shouted.

"So he's political, who isn't?" She said.

"Cassie," Marco said, "I am going to ask you a question and I want you to be honest: Are you high right now?" Cassie paused.

"I bought some good shit from my psychiatrist's son; I should send it to you." She said.

"This conversation is over, bye Cassie." Marco said and hung up. Cassie did not hang up though; she was too mesmerized by the dial tone.

_Phineas and Ferb's room_

They had fucked up; they had known it as soon as she got up and ran off from them. Ferb was sitting on the edge of the bed smoking a hand rolled cigarette while Phineas paced back and forth.

"Game over man," Phineas said, "We're fucking dead, game over, no lives left!" Ferb took a drag on his cigarette and let out a cloud of smoke.

"We hit her in the chest, yet I don't remember any blood, do you?" Ferb said.

"Fuck the blood man," Phineas said, "She's like the fucking Terminator. Oh god damn, we're so fucked!"

"Calm down Phineas," he said, "I think if we can hit her before we leave we'll be in the clear."

"The big fucking thing is I can't find Perry," he threw up his hands, "What if someone finds him, the hotel is going to give us shit."

"Ok," Ferb said, "First you were upset about the hit, now it's your damn pet platypus? You need to lay off the Yellow Jackets and Red Bull, man. Or at least do one later than the other." Ferb said and picked up his gun and slipped into a black trench coat. Holding his black sunglasses he walked over to the door and looked at Phineas. "I am going to kill the cunt, you want anything?" He said.

"Could you get me some toast with marmalade, oh and those fried dough things they have here, maybe some of that famous coffee too." Phineas said.

"I'll try." Ferb said and put on his glasses. "

_Front Desk_

"Nope, no mam no one by that name came into the hotel asking for a wakeup call." Eileen said

"You sure," Maka said, "He is a kid with white hair and pointy teeth, like razor sharp."

"No, I don't think we had any one come in looking like that. We had a guy taken out last night of one of y'all's room dressed like a brown bear. But other than that, nothing."

"Okay thanks." Maka said. She had told Soul to make a wakeup call for 8 when he was on the way to the gym with Black Star. Of course Maka knew better than to ask for Soul by his own name. Eileen, in her opinion was a Midwestern country rube, who had probably had no sexual experience besides getting it on with her flute at band camp. Soul had a habit of checking in under the name "Hubert Cumberdale" and she would check in as "Marjorie Stewart Baxter" something they did to throw off any American anime fans who wanted to screw both of them without permission. Of course she had heard it wasn't rape if you enjoyed the experience, she had heard that was bullshit. She hadn't noticed Kouga walking past her in the same direction.

Kouga was glad Ayame wasn't back from wherever she was; maybe she had left with some other character. It was a bad thought but it was her idea to go to the party. He wanted to spend the evening gambling and enjoying martinis in his new tuxedo. Now there was the sex tape, and the fact that her keen wolf senses would pick up the scent of the two other women. He was fucked up the ass without any aid of a reach around or lube. He didn't notice the guy in the trench coat with green hair.

Ferb was walking past Maka, right behind Kouga. He knew when to strike, the opportunity was there, and he just needed the right time. Edging close enough to get the gun close to her head, he cocked back the hammer. He didn't expect the rest. The guy dressed in a t-shirt and jeans kicked him in the head knocking him to the ground. The gun slid out of his hands and slammed against the front desk releasing its payload into the leg of an oak table.

"Gun, Gun!" Eileen shouted. Maka turned around as Kouga raced toward her. Ferb slowly got up and pulled his side arm, staggering. People raced around in a panic, as the front desk scrambled to call security and 911. Ferb fired another bullet, missing Maka by inches, Kouga spun and grabbed Ferb's wrist twisting it until her head a slight pop, causing the assassin to scream.

"Come on!" Kouga shouted taking Maka's hand and racing for an open elevator. Ferb raced after them and watched as the door slid shut.

"Mother Fucker!" He shouted. Ferb looked at his dislocated wrist; he popped it back into place with a hiss and walked up to the stairs. A guard raced towards him with a gun raised.

"Freeze asshole!" He shouted. Ferb threw one of his shuriken that was clipped to his belt at him. It hit the guard in the forehead, killing him instantly.

"You freeze dipshit." Ferb said.

Maka stood there panting. "Wow, I have never seen anyone fight like that." She said.

"Wolf Demons are superior fighters. Name's Kouga, I'm with the Inuyasha group." He said.

"Maka, Maka Albarn, Soul Eater group. I guess you're my bodyguard for today?" She said.

"If there are any more people like that then yes." He said.

_Black Star's room_

"I thought you wanted him dead?" Soul said.

"It was just a joke you ass hat!" Black Star said. Soul wrapped the comforter around him. He had been secret lovers with the ninja for 3 years and he had a feeling it was going to end soon.

"Calm down and get back into bed, stud." Soul said.

"We got to do something with this body first," He shouted, "Help me take it to the bathtub." Soul got out of the bed and picked up the corpse by its feet. For such a small body it was heavy as hell. Black Star threw back the curtain and watched as a blue animal with a beaver's tail and a duck's bill hopped out and put on a fedora.

"What the fuck was that?" Soul shouted as the thing ran away.

"Probably some crack addicted rat from the lower ninth ward, just put the damn thing in there." Black Star said and set the head end into the tub. Soul swung its feet inside.

"Now can we fuck?" Soul said.

"After I get something to drink, then I'll think about it." The ninja said. Excalibur's corpse just looked up at the ceiling.

_TBC_


End file.
